How Do I Motivate my Boyfriend to Do Housework?
Answers:
Men are little boys at heart. They really do want to please you. (It goes back to that whole mommy thing... but I digress.) Nagging and complaining will never work. You need to praise when he does something you like and ask nicely for something you want. A little respect and common courtesy will get you everywhere. It's sort of like a manipulation really. Say things like, "Honey, I'd really like it if you could _____." or "I need you help, could you _______." or "Thank you so much for doing _____ it was such a big help!" I know we women never get thanked for doing what needs to be done, but in the male mind it means everything. Yes, they really do want a cookie for washing the dishes! By the way, this method works for other things besides cleaning. Good luck!!
Other answers:
Didn't you ever hear of a little something called a threat???
Didn't you ever hear of a little something called a threat???
Try a rewards system...like everytime he does something around the house he gets something...
Or you could do the opposite and hold out on him until he does something
motivate him by sex! clean up and u'll get a ******, do laudnry and the dishes u'll get a ****** and u'll get to do it in the ***
From a guy's point of view as long as you are willing to do all the work..GUYS get lazier. if you stop doing and take any mess and throw on his side of bed so he can't sleep. if and when he asks what is wrong tell him that is bothering you and to drive the point home he has to do all his own dishes for a week and his laundry for a week. If it happens again it will be two weeks and so on.
You are getting a preview of what life with him is going to be like. He's not going to change, and if you should not have to threaten him. You should not have to "motivate" him. You're not his mother. He should be mature enough to do stuff on his own. What you need to decide is if this is the kind of partner and life you want.
euker is right. No work -- no sex.
Don't withhold sex. That makes you as childish as him.
The boy hasn't awakened to the real world yet. You are just an extension of his mother cleaning up after him.
Quit cooking & cleaning for a couple weeks. When he asks why he has no socks say "want to help we can wash, dry & fold together".
Unfortunately, it doesn't get any better. I married one of those guys and yours is the story of my life.
I guess the thing that (sometimes) works for me is to get the house uncluttered (check out flylady.net) and do YOUR best to keep it that way so his mess will REALLY stand out when he makes it. My husband operates on the premise that if *I* leave dishes in the sink overnight it is an invitation for him to do so,or things on the floor that are mine...and his clothes land on the sunroom floor FOR WEEKS.
Also,every time your boyfriend leaves his dishes by the tv, ask him to please put them in the sink (nicely, like it is a BIG favor) and I MEAN EVERY TIME. Even if it is every 15 minutes. Eventually, hopefully he will start to hear your voice in his head to do it before you ask.
Another little tid-bit...It is probably too late now, but DON'T do it all yourself. A HUGE reason for men to NOT do work is because WE LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT.
And if all else fails? I agree with the person who said "hold out on him" and tell him you are too tired from all the cleaning...
Move on with your life.
1) You cannot expect to change someone -if you do not love him "as is," AND if you cannot live with it, then move on.
2) Consider dividing the duties (does he do outside things?).
3) Ask yourself if he is worth it.
4) Do not move in with someone until you know them well enough to marry them.
Shape up or ship out!
Sit down together.
Make together a list of ALL household chores, inside and outside, label this the master list of household chores.
Then take two new pieces of paper.
Label one with your name, the other with his name.
Decide together who will take over which chores for the next week. Split the work according to the needed time in similar parts.
In that first week DON'T do anything in the household that is not on your list.
After one week sit down together and discuss what was not done. If it was not done because you didn't list it, add it to the master list of household chores. If it wasn't done, because the one appointed to the task didn't do it, find out why it wasn't done.
Create the task lists for the next week. Every chore that wasn't done sticks to the person who was originally appointed to do it, all other chores will change to the other one.
In the second week DON'T do anything in the household that is not on your list.
Have the same discussion as the last week end again.
Chores that were done change to the other person, chores that were not done stick to the offender.
The hardest thing for you will be to stick to the plan of NOT doing any chores that are on his list. The only thing you are allowed to do, is to explain to him how to do a chore. You are not allowed to show him, since then you end up doing it yourself.
The master list is important to let both of you understand how much work your household really is. The rule that chores that were not done stick to the offender will make sure that he will start doing things, because they will not be done otherwise. After several weeks you can restart the whole process to re-balance the chores. But don't re-balance until he has done each chore at least one time. And everytime he falls back into bad habits make it stick again.
Over time you might end up with certain chores that will always be yours and other chores that will always be his. That is OK as long as your chores don't take significantly more time than his chores.
If that doesn't work you will have to face the decision if your relationship is important enough for you that you can live with his lazyness regarding household chores.
You have got to be kidding right. You are how old? God don't fix him, leave him. You are never going to get him to do any thing around the house. He has not figured out how important you are. If you have already sat down and worked this out, talked,yelled and made lists. He has not figured that you are important enough like I said to make any changes for you. He needs to go live on his own and take care of himself then he will see what you are talking about. Sorry cant sugar coat it either. It would not be fair to you. Good luck